[ad_1]

For many people on the outside of the BDSM scene, they generally only see the real ‘hardcore’ BDSM players. These are the folks who are buck naked or who are dressed completely in leather 24/7. And while there is a place for BDSM exhibition and extravagance (Folsom Fair anyone?), this is a bit intimidating to the person who is new to the scene. You might truly believe that you need to be this hardcore in order to do BDSM right. Is this the case? Well don’t worry, because it isn’t.

Defining Hardcore

Let’s start by talking about what ‘hardcore’ seems to mean. For some, hardcore BDSM is playing as hard as you possibly can. You might beat someone until their bleeding, then pour wax on them, and then have them pierce themselves. But not everyone is like this. For some who are doing things that seem extreme, they’re actually doing these things for attention and out of a desire to self harm. They might not actually like all this pain, but have so low of self esteem that they simply can’t say no to their partner. This is not BDSM. BDSM is consensual. Now, people do go to these extremes – a.k.a. pain sluts – but this is not the norm. The basic definition of hardcore seems to be that a person does everything to the highest degree, but this is NOT necessary.

Who are You Doing BDSM For?

When you’re beginning to question whether you’re doing BDSM ‘right,’ you need to start asking yourself another question – who are you doing BDSM for? If you’re adding BDSM to a relationship for yourself, it doesn’t matter whether you are being hardcore. The only person your BDSM matters to is the other person in the relationship. If your slave or your Master/Mistress is happy, then the opinion of the rest of the world doesn’t actually matter. All you need to know is that you are happy in your relationship and satisfied with the levels of pain and pleasure. If you aren’t happy with the current level of intensity, that’s something to discuss with your partner. Make sure that all of your comparisons start with your relationship, not with others.

When You’re in the BDSM Population

Now, something strange happens when BDSM folks are in a group together, as in a play party or a festival. In these cases, everyone seems to feel the need to be bigger and bolder. But this is just for fun in most cases and not something that people do in the privacy of their home. Exhibitionism can be a fun thing once in a while, but it’s not generally what people are doing on their own. First of all, all of that makeup and costuming takes a lot of time and money, so it’s not sustainable 24/7. Judging your own BDSM practice on what these folks are doing is not necessary. Think of BDSM in public as theater, something that is fun to watch, but not something you see in everyday.

There is no ‘right’ definition when it comes to BDSM. You can only define this for yourself. If you pick up a number of books on BDSM, you will find that the definitions of what BDSM looks like vary and you may not ever get a straight answer. As for whether you need to be hardcore in order to have fun in BDSM, again, only you and your partner can answer that question. Are you having fun? Are you being safe? That’s all that matters, even if you’re not hardcore or wearing a complete leather mask or cat suit.

[ad_2]