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Break-ups are always hard, but when your BDSM relationship comes to an end it can be even harder. The Master and slave dynamic comes with such a level of trust that when one side violates that, either by cheating or by deciding they no longer want the relationship, it can leave the other person reeling. Often times the reaction to that initial pain will only make things worse.

Right after the break-up there may be a desire to continue the BDSM relationship. It is possible to have a good Master/slave relationship without having a romantic relationship but once the romantic element has been introduced into things it is hard to separate. It isn’t like oil and water that will eventually settle apart. It’s more like a cake, where you can’t just pull out the individual ingredients. The constant reminder of what used to be makes it impossible to heal. Even worse, the positive feelings you used to have for each other will be replaced by anger and bitterness. I have seen a few of these relationships succeed after both parties have been on their own long enough to erase any romantic feelings towards the other person. If you have any hope of rekindling the romance through the BDSM relationship it will only end in heartache. And that is a pain that has no pleasure.

If you were the Master in the relationship you may feel unusually powerless as you question if you did something wrong that led to this. These feelings are typical at the end of any relationship but since a Master is expected to know and understand his slave’s needs as well as his own there is that extra level of doubt. Slaves on the receiving end of a break up might wonder if they somehow did something wrong to cause this to happen. Having given complete control of their body and soul over to this person makes the rejection even sharper. There is no quick fix for these emotions. Only time and patience will help you accept what happened. Keep in mind that sometimes you can do everything right and things still don’t work out. In most relationships there is no bad guy to take the blame.

One of the biggest mistakes people make is jumping right into a new BDSM relationship after one ends. While this may temporarily take your mind off of the feelings associated with the previous relationship they will end up coming back feeling even worse then before. It isn’t fair to begin a Master/slave relationship if you are not fully focused on the other party. If you are coming in with baggage you will not be able to really meet the needs of the other person, you will just be using them to try and stop your own pain.

Finally, no matter how angry you get at the other person you can not violate the privacy of your relationship. BDSM is still not fully accepted in society and by “outing” your ex as a part of the lifestyle you will lose all credibility for any future relationships. Not to mention that they probably have information about you that you would rather not have out there. If you are unable to talk calmly to your ex then bring in a neutral third party to help mediate the division of your BDSM property, including any pictures, toys, and gear. In general it is best to just destroy the videos and pictures to prevent them from leaking out in the future. How you divide the other things is up to you two, but in my experience it can be best to get rid of all of it can start fresh. You don’t want a bad memory to come back at an inopportune time in the future.

When a relationship ends it is always hard but the specific issues involved in BDSM relationships mean that you may not have anyone to talk to about it. If you are not a part of a larger BDSM community this may be a good time to join one. They are not only good for meeting new people but for discussing your feelings with others who have been there.

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