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Varying levels of pressure

The first mistake in thinking about bondage is that it is some perverted kind of relationship that is nothing like a regular marriage or dating situation. It really couldn’t be farther from the truth; the kinks and sex may be a bit different but the roles are similar. The same media, pornography, and imagination that drives people into bondage relationships can also trick them into thinking that the rush of excitement, sting of the whip, or otherwise sexy role play may last forever. An important tool in keeping bondage relationships alive is accepting the ups and downs.

In a relationship minus the BDSM, in the first few months there is a “rush” of sensations, the long days when you are waiting for your partner; and the thrill of having sexual contact nearly every night. But soon, the excitement wears off. You still care for the person and want them in your life, but the intensity of passion can die down. Some people may not imagine those involved in bondage relationships just sitting on the porch or taking a walk, but some sense of normalcy still is appreciated by both partners.

Share with journals and notes

When you feel things start to fizzle emotionally or physically, don’t panic. There are some tried and true methods that you can use to fix things and not get fully derailed. Many miscommunications occur in BDSM relationships because the submissive may have enjoyed some rough play so much that they want to take things further. But the dominant, having different motives and getting different kinds of pleasures from dominating, simply doesn’t know.

There is a fear that what the submissive wants may shock the dominant or hinder further progression. There is a very simple way to help. It may not be 100 percent guaranteed, but may save you from an unwanted breakup. In BDSM relationships, so much of the allure is imagination, being bound; and the allure of not knowing exactly may happen next.

A time tested technique that could help you is by keeping a journal or writing email and letters. We recommend keeping a journal, because the handwritten aspect can actually be quite a turn on. In this journal could be talked about things to explore, sex acts or play toys to expand on, and secret wishes. Because when a BDSM relationship begins, it is really these secret wishes that it flourishes upon. This is a great way to keep the chemistry at its peak between you.

Visit your own personal memory lane

Not everyone in BDSM relationships met on the internet. Maybe there was a first place, library, store where you worked at that he came to check you out in for a month before you discovered your mutual kink. If you go to these places again in the right state of mind, you can rekindle more than you’d ever imagine. There are junctions in BDSM relationships where all of a sudden the submissive sees a more tender side of the dominant, and the relationship gets better, but the bondage play suffers, because the role of the one doling out punishment is weakened just a bit.

There are instances where if the submissive does not communicate well, the relationship could end abruptly. The submissive is in fact enjoying the relationship more, but the sex play seems a bit more timid, now that the dominant’s role is tender. There are all sorts of things that can happen to end a BDSM relationship early, but hopefully these small insights can get a few troubled slaves and mistresses back on their feet.

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